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Lesbian Capricorn Astrology Profile
Click on Pen above to listen to this months Capricorn horoscope. |
The Lesbian Capricorn: You big old mama's girl.
They say goats will eat anything, Capricorn, but I'm pretty sure that's a wicked rumor, no matter what your friends say about you. You're not flaky or flighty -- in fact, I'd call you the blue chip of the zodiac. Solid, dependable and a great place to invest your pension. I wouldn't be surprised if MsMoney.com was your home page. Capricorn opposes Cancer on the zodiac circle. If Cancers have no higher ambition that to be the mother hen of the family, you'd prefer to be the Martha Stewart, CEO of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia and head of a global merchandising empire, thank you very much. You're in your element when climbing high, but you never fail to keep your hooves planted on terra firma. You are an earth sign, after all. It's a goat thing.
You are ruled by the Saturn, the planet of hard knocks. Saturn teaches us about responsibility and hard work, and doesn't tolerate girlish illusions. Nobody ever had to tell you that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson weren't going to make it. As a Capricorn, you know the world is a topsy-turvy place, and so you seek security at any cost. This dynamic creates two kinds of goats -- the wild, free type that roams the Alps and the more domesticated sort that likes to stay safe and tied to a picket. The first is an earth mother goddess who has the haunches to go wherever her spirit takes her -- Julia Ormand is an excellent example. The second worries hard, dies young and leaves a corpse with a furrow in its brow -- Edgar Allen Poe was one of these.
If you spend your life afraid of the wolf at the door, there's a good chance you'll end up miserable. And I hate to be the one to say it, but you probably won't leave behind poetry that immortalizes your woes. But if you access risk with a clear vision and a brave heart, there's an excellent chance you could build a career, business and family -- whatever you'd like. It's not very romantic, but soft candle light and Yanni never did it for you anyway. Embrace your inner accountant and flourish, my dear. Unless you make a budget, you're sure to be the type that hides money under her mattress.
An absolute delight in the office, you're either a conscientious worker or a conniving backstabber -- it all depends on which gets you the promotion. You're a company woman and your office's leader -- although, you are dangerously partial speaking in business jargon to fit in. And don't even get me started on the "casual" company softball games. You probably organized them (and made yourself captain), so you could institute all kinds of unreasonable rules. If your coworkers want to try and bat with a beer in hand, who are you to stop them? It's not about who wins or looses. -- unless it's you that looses.
When you do decide to put some will power behind your ambitions, you'll have to be careful or you might end up like Scrooge. Your focus is the envy of the zodiac and once you get going, you put all your efforts into achieving what you set out to accomplish -- without Adderall, bless you. Whether you're writing a paper or balancing the books, nothing can throw you off balance. Your friend stops by, in a panic because she just went through with the post-mullet and regrets it. Hair grows, she'll live -- you don't even ask her to stay for tea. Your mother calls and wants to know if you've changed your mind about being a lesbian yet -- you sigh and hang up.
It's incidents like these that lead some to believe you're cold hearted, and in many respects you are. Emotionally, you're about as dynamic as a pair of balled up socks. This is not to say you don't care -- family is security, and you're sensitive to your place in the hierarchy. You realize you owe your parents for at least 18 years of room and board, plus the nine months you spent in your mother's womb and the 8 to 12 hours or so you spent ripping through her birth canal. In return, you will recognize birthays and anniversaries, and care for your parents and/or supplement their long-term care costs in the event they are unable to care for themselves. Simple. Ah, the mystery of love!
This impeccable logic applies to your romantic liaisons as well. To you, it's not that your love dare not speak its name -- it's that you spoke it that one time, when you asked her to move in with you. You said, "I love you. Here's the key to my place," as clear as day. You remember it, why doesn't she? Oy, you're a hard case, Capricorn. Have some sympathy for us humans who aren't made out of rock. You don't have to understand it: just know that most people need to hear the occasional tender word like you need to check your stock portfolio and confirm your U-Haul reservation. There's no rhyme or reason to it.
When it comes to relationships, there's a very serious chance you could fall into the dyke-a-like trap and start dating someone exactly like you -- because you grow to admire her good sense and solid khaki collection (khaki, after all is your sign's color -- I don't know that any other symbols who get their own style of pants). After you've spoken you're love's accountant and run a background check to make sure she was never arrested at a rally to legalize medicinal marijuana, you'll glance at her to make sure she's got a decent butt. Then and only then will you let yourself get carried away. By which I mean, you'll ask her lunch and go dutch on the venture. If you want my unsolicited advice, find yourself a free spirit... or a least a spirit that's freer than yours. You need someone to remind you when it's time to practice the cat's cradle again.
dec 24th......