Lesbian Virgo Astrology Profile

Dear Virgo: sex it up and stop worrying, already!

Virgo is the lone femme symbol on the zodiac, so represent and make sure that "V" stands for vag and not virgin. But of all the signs, Virgos are least likely to pull their weight in the sex and sizzle department. Case study: a young Virgo friend of mine works as an admin in a corporate office where employees are expected to dress professionally. Not satisfied with merely following the company's guidelines, she actually suggested that the entire office wear matching polo shirts and khakis every day. Sad but true. Yet to a Virgo, it makes perfect sense: uniforms take the guesswork out of getting dressed each morning. Polos and khakis are comfortable, easy to wash, and fit nearly everybody. So who cares if they turn the office into a herd of sexless wonders? (It's Pat!) We know that lesbians run the gamut from lipstick to butch and stop everywhere in between. But whoever started the rumor about lesbians and sensible shoes must have known a lesbian Virgo.

Before you get your undies in a bundle, I know this isn't the whole story. The fact that Sophia Loren is a Virgo should tell you something. Still, Virgos are proof that a woman can be proud of her sexuality, and yet not be eager to rush home and get the sheets wet. It's a common misconception that Virgos aren't romantic or don't have strong feelings. You burn just like the rest of us, it just takes a while to get the fire going. You approach romance the way you approach everything else: with prudence, caution and a bulleted list of critiques. You definitely don't think with the little head. If, one night, you decided to go buck wild and take a new acquaintance home from the bar, you'd have a dental dam at the ready. You'd probably even keep extras to hand out to your friends, because if there's one thing you can't stand, it's stupidity. And unhygienic behavior. And not knowing who else has been downstairs.

At least you're vigilant about keeping up your health and we applaud you for that, dear Virgo. You're no U-Haul lesbian, thank god, but you might need a truck to cart around all the pills, teas and tinctures you take to keep in top form. You dish out the latest health research like some people spout hot stock tips, religiously shop the organic food section at your local co-op, and get up at dawn to make it to spinning class. You probably get out the measuring sick each day to make sure your chakras are perfectly aligned. Good for you, because you tend to stress yourself out needlessly, trying to live up to your own exacting standards. And when that happens, you get nauseated, cranky, and frankly unbearable to be around. You may just become so emotionally unbalanced you loose interest and get downright filthy for a while; by which I mean, you might cut back to only one shower a day.

You Virgos are famous for your meticulous hygiene, and that could help turn heads. Nails are neatly filed with not a chip in the polish. You keep your hair trimmed (everywhere) and sculpted with the hair glue recommended by your stylist. The portion of your budget you spend on your skin care regimen could keep a queer studies major at Sarah Lawrence for a year. You can't stand anything garish or gaudy, and this works to your advantage if you avoid heavy makeup and loud prints. You prefer to keep things natural, and to keep the natural looking good. If you're drawn to body art, you'll make sure that tattoo is applied with a clean needle and that eyebrow ring is sterilized daily. It doesn't hurt that you tend to have a slim, boyish frame that you keep nice and tight with plenty of pull-ups. Did I mention your deep, soulful eyes? They're one of your best assets, as long as you don't get caught staring at the stain on your date's shirt.

Before you start defending yourself (because you're never wrong) I can't help but admit you're good for something. First off, you're a gracious guest. You don't like to be the center of attention, but you win friends who appreciate your thoughtfulness. You never forget an appointment, and you'll show up punctually with a nice bottle of wine for the host. You'll even help clean up when the unruly masses are gone, and there's no one like you for a tip on how to safely get bean dip out of an antique rug. You're not one for big gestures, but you keep a checklist of the little things and tick them off in your head. You've never caught yourself looking through the "Belated" section of the birthday card isle like the rest of us slobs on the zodiac.

All these qualities work to your advantage in the professional world. I hate to say it, Virgo, but you might just be the best personal assistant out there. It's because you're smart enough to pick up the boss's slack and disciplined enough to work overtime if necessary. In the office, your meticulous eye makes you a natural critic. You might not be the project leader, but you can see through the hype and hammer out the details. Any time you can break out the big red pen and get down to business, you're happy. And if higher-ups make ridiculous demands, you know how to kill them with a look. Of course, you may be drawn to professions where you can utilize your massive intelligence, and propensity to correct those who aren't as intelligent as you. Teaching of any kind is a great way to apply your talents, or writing and research. Virgos also make excellent nurses, because they provide a cool head and a steady hand.

You're perfect, Virgo, and we love you despite it. Problem is, you look for perfection in everyone else. Here's a hint: let it go. Otherwise you're liable to find yourself alone on Friday night, alphabetizing your bookshelf to make sure "Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit" goes before "Orlando." Assuming, of course, you're organizing your collection by title this week.